Dado - me

This morning I went through my posts, looking at myself and all I can found is a big confusion and sort of self-pitying. I am writing these lines to free myself from the past, but on other hand I do not see the future. I’d like to make my life easier finding some answers without accusing anyone because we are so different and. our expectations can be far beyond any reality. On the very end, this will be always my story, my view, without her telling her part and make it as a real picture.
When I met Dado, I knew it will be hard (but not impossible) to balance two of us despite so obvious mutual attraction. The friends (a very few we had) always said how obvious and genuine is our affection but I wonder if we had a totally different foundation for it, and if that was a source of all “misunderstanding”. I have now a plenty of time to think, especially because I am not dizzy from the treatment and I can put some situations and events in much clear perspective (?). It’s not nice digging through your own past and look at it from the distance; especially if present is not nice. When I look at myself, I was always idealistic, romantic, more inside than outside man. I think I was always ready to give not asking much in return if at all. This might look as self-gratification but now I am not selling myself to anybody and there is nothing I can change if I paint a rosy or dark picture of her or of me. For most of my life I was not in charge of my own destiny. There is no point to count everything. I always tried to pull out the very best from any situations. I become an immigrant without desire (without any option not to go), but I start building a new life without grunge. By myself, I raise my two daughters and you who were solo parents without any help from the family; you will know and understand what I am talking about, but I am blessed with them. My culture, my background and my way of thinking does not allowed me to share everything with my daughters. My life might be a bit easier if I do something like that, but on other hand, their life will be much harder and I do not see any reason for that.
She grows up in full family, sometimes unhappy with her father, but with their full support. She has living a life of her own, since she start the University, having a few relationships. These relationships lasted for a few years, finishing because she couldn’t find enough security in her partners/boyfriends. I can only wonder, will things will be different if I wasn’t sick.
Next post – Monday/Tuesday