Dado – The age difference (illness)

I know that look of the first reaction when I mention how much older I am than her, especially if you are a “standard” product of the society. The age difference between us is more that 20 years. When I met her she just passed her mid twenties and I was in my late forties. I don’t think there is anything sinister about her age; she was not a teenager or a kid. She was young women with a few relationships behind her and I was a divorced man with two almost grown up daughters on their way to start university studies, living with me.At start, I was the one who had a “problem” with our age difference. She did not have almost any. There is no question about did I liked her before we start our official dating. Yes I did, but that was not a sexual fantasy of middle age man. I just liked her smile, her eyes, the ways she walk, talk and the "aura" of her presence. I never dreamed or phantasies about making a love with her. I did not dare suggest something like that (a date), always thinking about our dating as a very remote possibility despite some encouraging signs from her. Took me a long time to pick up the courage and ask for the date, and that was nerve braking experience for me. I had my doubts in the begging why she is with me…the money was not issue, because she was very independent person (she very soon start earning more than me) and she did not look for the father because she had one, so gradually I start to relax and accept the love as it is. Her friends and ex boyfriend were harassing her because of her relationship. I can write off her ex boyfriend because I think; it was a control issue and jealousy combined, without any importance with who she is, but most of her friends were not at easy when I was around. I could sense that. Despite politeness and smiles there was always a level of tension when we will arrive. It was hard for us, because both of us were very social persons and not be able to share time with others was very difficult, maybe a bit more for her, so most of the time we were alone. We knew that is a problem so we start thinking about putting an advertisement in the local paper, asking for couples with similar issues us we have, to join or meet us and start friendship. We never had done that. I can’t recall why. I think that was one of the biggest mistakes. Our relationship was branded from the society from the very beginning. It was very cruel. If you are a standard product of this society with double standards and hypocrisy as a part of it, than you will not understand that love is not so much omitted by age, but firstly by emotional maturity. My daughters did not mind her, they were happy because I was happy and that was good for me. They have their doubts about the longevity of our relationship but how time passed she was more and more member of our/my family. I did not want to tie the knot until my daughters finish their studies. She did not understand my reluctance to do it. I felt responsibility and love toward my daughters and I wanted to give them a maximum security after so many hard years we had in our lives and we were a new immigrants. I taught Dado can wait for a few years and it starts looking that she is “happy” to accept that. I am not sure any more if that was a case.Her parents did not want to contact me almost for two years, but after our first, very tense encounter during the dinner in the city, things start to improve, and I was more and more welcome guest at their place. I knew they are not entirely happy with my age, but at least they respected her daughter love. I am very grateful for what they did.Than on the top of everything come my illness and from that moment, things gradually started rolling down. Now, when I stoped my treatment and start getting out of that “chemotherapy fog” (and consequence of it), I think, I can see some situations more clear, but I am not sure how much I am subjective. It hurts remembering how people can be cruel just because we do not belong to the standard stereotype. We never harmed anyone, but we were harmed by refusal to accept us by whom we are. I know there are quite a few happy people around with our split. Am I bitter because of that? No, I am just sad, seeing how people blind themselves with prejudice and harm others but constantly preaching the “good will”.

Next post – Saturday/Sunday